Fun detecting on the beach?

My bit to help a church (somewhere) by Dave Crisp

It’s funny who you meet on a beach, there I was minding my own business, detecting and keeping an eye on the turning tide, when I spied a young lady walking two long haired Alsatians. Very nice I thought, and the dogs weren’t bad either. (When I say young everybody under 60 is young to me, but I still have eyes, albeit with glasses.) But I digress.

“I HAVE GOT ONE OF THOSE”

I went three foot in the air and landed facing the other way .

“I HAVE GOT ONE OF THOSE”

The lady who was bearing down on me said loudly again, just in case I didn’t hear her the first time.

“Have you I said”

I shouldn’t have said that.

“Yes my family bought me it for Christmas” 

Remember its September now.

“Well it’s a great hobby once you get hooked by it”

“Do you find things on the beach?” 

“Yes mostly coins” 

“Why, do people lose them?” 

“Yes all the time” 

“I don’t think I have ever lost any on the beach” 

“Well some people do” 

“O” 

Silence.

“Mine cost £100, is it the same as yours“? 

“I don’t know, what the make of yours is“? 

“I don’t know” 

“Well does it look like this” 

“I don’t know, I haven’t taken it out of the box yet” 

There’s no answer to that.

“Can I look at the bottom of it“? 

I hold it up for her.

“Does it look like your head”? 

“What” 

"Your detector head, does it look like this”? 

“I don’t know, I haven’t taken it out of the box yet, and there’s no photo on the box“. 

From here it went downhill.

“Do you find much in church yards”? 

"Sorry???"  

“I going hunting in churchyards, there must be lots there”? 

I try to be helpful.

“You know you have to get permission, wherever you go“? 

“Do you?” 

“Well yes,”  

“O” 

“Who would I ask?” 

“Well I should think the vicar would be a start” 

“Would he let me hunt there?” 

I try to let her down gently.

"I don’t know, but he probably would have to ask somebody from the diocese"

“O” 

“Why churchyards?” I asked 

“Well all that bending down by the graves, they must lose lots” 

Silence 

“I wouldn’t search on the graves” ( Well that’s a relief I thought) 

“I don’t honestly think you would get permission” 

“O” 

silence.

"What about the church gate? Plenty of things must get lost there, in-between the paving slabs” 

(Vision of the lady prying up the slabs)

“I expect the answer would be the same.” 

Silence.

"Why don’t you try searching on the beach?" 

"O no I couldn’t do that, that’s my daughter, and we have to walk the dogs." 

I must go bye. 

It took me ages to get back to detecting, but they were a nice pair of dogs.